I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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