So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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