I think I died a long time ago.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
