i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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