Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
