Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
