Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
