would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
