i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
