Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
