I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
