I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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