Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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