great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
