Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
