its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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