sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize