real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
