oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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