i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize