So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
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the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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