Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
