Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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