you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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