If i come over, it means nothing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
