I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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