woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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