I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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