I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
