My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
