i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
