and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
