This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
