sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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