I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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