I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
barbara walters just said penis...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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