Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
