i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
