you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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