I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
