guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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