Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
