I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
two words: eviction party
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
