S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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