The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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