everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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