i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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