Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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