new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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