If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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