Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
