Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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