I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
