why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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