help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
