My balls are so social today.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
