I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
