I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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