I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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