Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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