If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
