hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize