i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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