just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize