apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
