alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
