you would pick up someone in the library
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
