Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
