I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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