im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
