I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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